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20”x24” encaustic/ mixed media on wood, 2022 September.
When the only tool one has is a hammer, everything will look like nails...
“A classic passive aggressive attack. Crazy-making communication is necessary for the covert vulnerable narcissist because it has to combine several tactics: deliberately pretend they don’t understand what you say to them to enter a cycle of trying to explain yourself. Until a sincere person gets pushed to a point where they eventually lose their temper and patience, and say or do something dreadful so the narcissist can say they were right. The shy narcissist is going to be more cerebral, academic, more intellectual. You will never be heard – the point is confusion.”
“These people use guilt tripping. It feeds back to their self-pity, feeling victimized and under-appreciated... feeding back to vulnerable tactics.”
“Because they’re shy, they use more passive tactics like being stubborn or breaking boundaries. Certain shame-based emotions are so overwhelming [for them], shame destroys everything they are. ...The whole personality is a shell, a lie to cover a hidden shameful something.”
“They need covert strategies because they don’t actually have power, and thus they have emotion-based responses to threat. Not real threat but perceived threat. They feel shame for having such difficulty gaining power. When they cycle through emotional dysregulation, you will too.”
– Richard Grannon
Another great read: 30 Covert Emotional Manipulation Tactics – How Manipulators Take Over Control in Personal Relationships by Adelyn Birch